Army of Too Bad

I’ve been meaning to write about Army of Two for a few weeks now, but I’ve been too lazy to do so for a couple reasons. The largest reason probably has to do with my lack of motivation for this mediocre game. Although it was all too easy to make a strip about this game, it was much more difficult to write any kind of article that had any substance to it when discussing a title such as this.

The game fails in more ways than it succeeds. I’ll fist cover it’s minor successes. The best part I found about this game was in the cut scenes. The visual quality encountered during these short transitions between boring gameplay can be very rewarding. The production value and creativity isn’t exactly top notch in these short scenes, but the sheer visual polish can be stunning when viewed on an adequate entertainment system. Although the game’s main characters and weak plots lines can be as unrealistic and shallow as a desert mirage, the graphics in this game are some of the best I’ve ever seen, and this is shown mostly in the cut scenes. If only the writing could have been as polished as the graphics, this game would be worth half its weight in gold.

The main problems in this game come in the inability to deliver the experience you are expecting when promised a revolutionary, one-of-a-kind, co-op game. This game is anything but original, and at times feels like it was the brain child of a couple of adolescent, in-the-closet homophobes. Not only does the writing sound like it came straight from the mouths of some troubled adults that were bullied in school, but the characters were uninteresting and the game mechanics were barbaric. If you are looking for a game that involves some innovative co-op entertainment, you are not going to find it here. The co-op element of this game only goes as far as hitting a switch the same time as you partner, but the majority of this time, even that mechanic seems forced and superficial. Your character is apparently incapable of opening a door on his own, but he can execute hundreds of terrorists without breaking a sweat. At most, I would consider this a possible rental for a slow weekend with a friend, but that’s as far as I will ever go when recommending this game.

Charming Nintendo

You got to hand it to Nintendo, they can charm the pants off of anyone, an ability I’m sure many single guys would love to have. I can’t help but smile when I play Nintendo products. Mario Galaxy did it to me, and now Smash Brothers is infecting me with an even larger grin. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to play a game without the achievement cloud rumbling over your head.

Smash Brothers performs the difficult task of actually rewarding you for playing the game without using some shallow point system, which only serves a purpose when being compared against other point mongrels. There are the obvious characters to unlock, but this game takes unlockables to a whole new level, and mostly a welcome one. Most of the rewards that can be earned from this game are straight fan service. There are an endless number of Nintendo characters and objects in the form of trophies and stickers you will be rewarded with over the course of playing the many modes that are offered in this game. If I were to tell you that I know where half of these characters come from, without reading there little bio, I would be lying through my teeth, and I consider myself a pretty hardcore and devoted gamer. Through the years, Nintendo has obviously grown a healthy lineup of characters and icons, and they made a point to include every single one of them in this game, one way or another. I have to admit, Nintendo did go a little overboard at times. They even force you to pick up pieces of paper throughout the game, which represent an entry in a ridiculously large Nintendo history represented in the form of a timeline that can be viewed in one of the many menus. By far the most enjoyable unlockables are tiny trials of old Nintendo games including Donkey Kong, F-Zero and the majority of Mario Bros titles.

If you own a Wii, you would do yourself an injustice not to pick up this title. Even if you are not a Nintendo fanboy, this game will put a smile on your face, something more games need to be doing these days.

New Dog, Old Tricks

Lost Odyssey is not a bad game. It’s not a great game, but it’s not a bad game. I’m actually enjoying the game rather thoroughly, but I just can’t help get over the fact that I am playing a game with the same mechanics from the original Playstation. Turn based combat, ok. Invisible, randomly generated enemies, I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with, however, is being painfully forced to remember painful memories of my past gaming experiences. I’m not sure if the designers were intending to recreate Kaim’s agonizing flashback sequences, most of which are all in text format, or if they were just lazy and needed to fill the game with unnecessarily mundane tasks. For those of you who haven’t played the game, they literally ask you to go collect “N” number of flowers, then when you return with your bouquet of boring, they ask you to go and collect “N” number of sticks. STICKS!!! This game wasn’t even original enough to come up with something interesting to collect. YOU ARE COLLECTING STICKS!

One of the other meaningless areas of the game was when you were required to make it from point A to point B without being seen by the flying eyeballs. FRICKEN FLYING EYEBALLS! I am sorry, but I feel like they were almost poking fun at video game clichés when they were designing these pointless parts of an otherwise rich experience.

The enemies are interesting and varied. The characters are filled with personality and charisma. The “comic relief” character, Jansen, is wonderfully voiced over by actor and comedian Michael McGaharn. The production value in this game even rivals that of Heavenly Sword.

The game, all-in-all, is a good game. It’s not going to win any awards for innovation or ignite any fires for those seeking evolution in video games. Although my largest complaints are regarding the gaming mechanics used in this title, as barbaric as they may be, I have a feeling that Mistwalker new what they were trying to accomplish, and accomplished it. Playing this game almost forces you to walk down memory lane, weather that be for the best or the worst. Luckily for me, it was for the best, and I am still enjoying all 4, cutscene packed discs.

Culdra's Cepters

I am usually too lazy to post multiple blog entries in the span of a week, but I am too excited about my recent addiction to lay idle. I even went to the extent of creating a club to tame my obsession, Culdra’s Cepters for any of you who may be interested. Culdcept Saga has me so hooked that I’m tempted to trade the left kidney of my first born child for those beautifully crafted stone cards.

For the lucky Culdcept virgins out there, which are probably many of you, who have not experienced the uncontrollable infatuation of constructing the perfect deck, I will give you a free hit from my pipe. The game is basically a trifecta of geek games Monopoly, Magic: The Gathering and an obscure JRPG. You first build a deck of cards and then wage battle on a strategic board that requires you to claim territory by defeating your enemies and collecting tolls to gain a desired amount of magic. The combination of cards and abilities available create a never ending chain of calculated destruction. Describing this game in any further detail would send a caffeinated insomniac with ADD into a deep slumber, so I will spare you the details.

Even the few gripes I have about the game somehow manage to add to the overall experience. One of the first things I noticed about the game was the unbelievably melodramatic voiceovers. Obviously, story mode is not the main attraction for this game, but the main character sounds like he just came from a failed audition for Peter Pan. Although you play as a young boy in this game, they could have at least cast someone who doesn’t sound like they drive a Saturn plastered with rainbow bumper stickers.

Along with the poorly done voiceovers, there are some slight graphical annoyances in the game. Once again, this is only a gripe about the story mode, simply because I haven’t opened Pandora’s Box yet and given multiplayer a shot, which I understand is the hook of this title. After I cut through the cheesiness of my characters first voiceover, I saw one of the main enemies, Rilara, for the first time. Rilara essentially looks like stripper who has just survived a c-section gone horribly wrong. For some reason, they gave the clear sex symbol in the game the most hideous looking belly button imaginable.

As I said, the few tiny “complaints” I have about the game almost add to its obscurity and charm. This is a game that I only hope will grow a larger audience with its Xbox 360 release and I can play it for months, if not years to come. For any of you Culdcept fans out there, or even newcomers who want to know more about the game, feel free to visit cepter-club.1up.com and join the fun. I look forward to seeing you all on the battle field!

New Horizons

After listening to Gabe and Tycho’s podcast from Penny Arcade regarding one of their recent comics, I’m starting to see the genius behind their ways, and more importantly, the shallowness behind mine. I’ve never really put much thought into my feeble attempts of humor represented in my comic strips. Probably the largest reason behind this weak attempt is the fact that I know that nobody is really reading them, and they are mostly for my own entertainment and self fulfillment. My most recent comedic barren comic illustrates one of my two favorite games that have arrived since the overly populated holiday season. The game I’m referring to of course is Poker Smash. For anybody who calls them selves a puzzler fan, they would be doing themselves a tremendous injustice not to give this game a gander. The level of polish put into this game rivals that of Mario Galaxy, the only difference, is that I’m driven to come back and play Poker Smash, but that is another topic in itself. I’ve just recently started to really enjoy puzzle games such as Puzzle Fighter and Puzzle Quest, but this one is on a level even more fitting for my interests. I’m also starting to realize how horrible I am at the mandatory ability to plan multiple steps ahead in order to gain any kind of real success in these games, especially on a competitive level.

The other game that I briefly referred to earlier which I have been enjoying lately, is completely new to my gaming repertoire. The game is called Culdcept Saga, and for anyone who listens to the 1up Yours podcast, you will no doubt recognize this title coming from the outspoken mouth of Shane Bettenhausen over the past few episodes. Since this article is starting to border on the length even beyond my own attention span, I will save my discussion of this game for my next post, but all I have to say now is that I am infatuated with this game and everything that comes with it. Once again this was a gem on the PS2 that was effortlessly overlooked by yours truly, like so many others that were off my narrow gaming radar at the time.

If anybody does ever come across any of my posts, no doubt by accident, and manage to make it to the bottom of this article, I would be more than happy to take other suggestions of games that may have slipped, no, consciously passed through my fingers when my peripheral game vision was drastically constricted.

Genre Mashup

I’m assuming that today’s strip is going to fall on deaf ears. I realize there are probably not many gamers out there that have played, let alone enjoyed, both Halo and Elite Beat Agents. I have recently purchased the surprisingly enjoyable DS rhythm game for $8.99 thanks to Circuit City’s latest clearance sale. Alternating between these games really highlights their differences. As I have said before, I have recently found myself gaming for the sole purpose of dominating all life forms inferior to me, which pretty much encompasses every annoying, overly zealous teenager that can be found online these days. It’s nice to take a break every now and then and taste a little bit of wacky Japanese gaming flavor.

Another contributing factor to today’s strip is my recent purchase of another uncharacteristic game for me, Puzzle Quest. I admit, I missed the boat on both of these games and their addictiveness is nothing new for the majority of DS fanboys out there. I, for one, have had many doubts about my purchase of the DS, until my recent acquisitions. I am finally starting to realize what this crystal white bundle of joy can offer when paired with games that emphasize its strengths. For those of you who don’t know, Puzzle Quest is rare hybrid of an RPG and puzzle game. Experiencing the enjoyment I’ve had playing this game, made me think of other potential genre hybrid games that are possible. My strip obviously highlights one of the worst possible combinations, but the possibility is still there. Keep your eyes open for Beat Elite Agents on store shelves near you! (and yes, I realize those look nothing like Elites, but I did the best with the limited tools I had, so layoff)