Army of Too Bad

I’ve been meaning to write about Army of Two for a few weeks now, but I’ve been too lazy to do so for a couple reasons. The largest reason probably has to do with my lack of motivation for this mediocre game. Although it was all too easy to make a strip about this game, it was much more difficult to write any kind of article that had any substance to it when discussing a title such as this.

The game fails in more ways than it succeeds. I’ll fist cover it’s minor successes. The best part I found about this game was in the cut scenes. The visual quality encountered during these short transitions between boring gameplay can be very rewarding. The production value and creativity isn’t exactly top notch in these short scenes, but the sheer visual polish can be stunning when viewed on an adequate entertainment system. Although the game’s main characters and weak plots lines can be as unrealistic and shallow as a desert mirage, the graphics in this game are some of the best I’ve ever seen, and this is shown mostly in the cut scenes. If only the writing could have been as polished as the graphics, this game would be worth half its weight in gold.

The main problems in this game come in the inability to deliver the experience you are expecting when promised a revolutionary, one-of-a-kind, co-op game. This game is anything but original, and at times feels like it was the brain child of a couple of adolescent, in-the-closet homophobes. Not only does the writing sound like it came straight from the mouths of some troubled adults that were bullied in school, but the characters were uninteresting and the game mechanics were barbaric. If you are looking for a game that involves some innovative co-op entertainment, you are not going to find it here. The co-op element of this game only goes as far as hitting a switch the same time as you partner, but the majority of this time, even that mechanic seems forced and superficial. Your character is apparently incapable of opening a door on his own, but he can execute hundreds of terrorists without breaking a sweat. At most, I would consider this a possible rental for a slow weekend with a friend, but that’s as far as I will ever go when recommending this game.